The Bond We Share
by CharonKatharsis
Summary: Some realizations are harder to come by than others. And some wait until it is almost too late. Rated M for violence and slightly implied Thor/Loki.


How magnificent this realm looked once the white cold of winter came crushing down, veiling all that was there to see. And suddenly everything was made of pure, untouched white innocence. An innocence he had lost so long ago when he had first raised his weapon against his brother with the intention of wounding him. Killing him even. That moment something in him had cracked and this crack had eventually left him broken beyond repair. And here he was, trapped in the accusing whiteness where his dark form seemed so misplaced. But wasn't it quite fitting? The frozen tears of heaven fell down on him, whilst his own tears were frozen inside him and rendered him unable to get the release of crying. He had almost reached his goal this time. And this 'almost' was what grated at his sanity like sand. Thor had lain in front of him, unable to defend himself. Loki had seen the defeat in his eyes because even the golden son of Odin did know his boundaries. It would have been the moment he had wished for all these eternities he had learnt to hate Thor from the bottom of his rotten core. But when he had been presented with the opportunity to get the satisfaction to end him, to end this oaf who claimed to be his brother he had hesitated the crucial moment that marked the border between irrational madness and long forgotten sentiment. Unable to make the final strike he had realized his own fear. This picture he could not get out of his mind.

_Thor was lying in front of him on his back. It appeared some of his limbs were broken and the rest of him was at least seriously severed if not crushed and slashed too much for any healing, at least in this nothingness and without the means of Asgard's capable healers. It was the first time Loki felt true regret. He had never meant to do what he did and even though his magic was strong, he had never bothered to waste it on the power of healing. Sure, he could mend a broken bone or close minor wounds but his own doing was far beyond his healing capability. Lacking both the strength and the conviction to keep standing over his prey, Loki had sunken to the floor next to Thor's still figure. He could see the once so mighty chest of his brother rise in an unsteady and weak manner, his breath neither audible nor visible. But breathing he did. Loki knew it because that was what differed divine beings from simple mortals: They kept on breathing long after their bodies were shattered without any hope to get restored again. The divinity ran inside them as long as there was the least drop of blood left inside their veins, keeping them fro finding the peace of death for too long. They were not as immortal as Loki had deep inside wished to believed. All that was left for him to do was to ease Thor's pain if he was even clear enough to feel any of it. But where was he to start? The slivered bones of his right arm, which had held Mjollnir so proud and awe-inspiring throughout the millenia? The slash of Thor's throat he had given him in his raging madness when Thor had already been disarmed and unable to lift his weapon? Loki had known it had been the time to stop this before he would go too far, but too far he did go. Almost lovingly he touched the disrupted remains of Thor's armor. The glorious silver was stained with red blood of a dark crimson color. Almost panicked Loki summoned his remaining magic in his left hand and covered the hole in Thor's chest with it in an desperate attempt to fix him. The broken ribcage presented him the interior parts, showed off the hidden lifelines of Thor, his lungs, one side not much more than a blood lump of flesh and his heart that seemed to be at the verge of finally stopping its beating, sputtering minimal streams of blood every now and then. _

"_Please, don't leave me like this. I did not mean it, Thor." Loki whispered it more to himself then to Thor, whom he knew unable to hear him in the sorry state he was in. Green streaks of light dripped from his fingertips and clouded the view into Thor's heart. A dull relieve flooded Loki's chest when the dark flesh started to slowly grow together. But he was weary from the long fight they had had. Both Thor's lightning and his well-placed strikes with Mjollnir had taken their toll and left Loki with only a fraction of his full power. Probably not even enough to heal Thor so he would survive. He concentrated more. This was not supposed to happen, he thought. Loki had never been supposed to win over his brother, never. They were to quarrel, to fight until Thor would win and take him back to Asgard where everything that had happened between them was forgotten and forgiven – by Thor. Loki would always pretend to keep his grudges with Thor, when in the end his grudges had never been with Thor but with himself. He pulled his hand back once the heart's damage was undone. By that time he was breathing hard. He would have to gather more power to do the same to the injured parts of Thor's lungs so he would be able to breathe again. He could only hope his strength would be enough to keep his magical power strong enough to cause the healing. Once the most lethal wounds were closed, he would have to move Thor into one of the surrounding caves. A storm was coming and with it would be more snow._

It had taken Loki hours until the pulmonary injuries were no longer threatening Thor's life. That had not by any means meant his life was saved, no. But at least he was in a condition stable enough to move him. But Loki had not dared to touch him, summoning a shield around him instead. It did not take much energy to do so and still it had worn him out. He sat next to Thor and for the first time in aeons he took the time to look t him. Not simply having him in his gaze and acknowledging his existence but seeking to find every little thing that formed his brother. He did not know why he did this and what he intended to see there and yet he did it. Thor's lower lip was cut open as was his cheek. The blonde of his beard was barely visible through the thick layer of dried blood. And even through this motionlessness Loki could see the warm smile Thor had always had for him. It made him sick, choking him with guilt.

"Why, Thor? Why have we done as we did?" He asked quietly, his words half swallowed by the wind. There had never been any reason to their actions. Thor had fought Loki. Loki had fought Thor. Each fight led to their reconciliation and Thor's forgiveness made Loki want to fight him again, leading to another act of forgiveness. An infinite circle of bitterness and gentleness, both undeserved.

Hours went by with neither of them moving. Thor's consciousness had not found its way back to him and Loki was engage in summoning every magic he had left inside him and whichever force he could grasp from their surroundings. Had they been in a realm more animate, he would have been able to draw power from its living beings but in this icy hell the only living beings were him and the perishing god of thunder. The slash he had inflicted on Thor's throat was not too deep and he was grateful for this. The dried blood had closed it for now and gave Loki time to summon.

It took him the whole night until he had accumulated enough magic to continue. Thor's face was cold, a feint blue ornamenting his usually red lips. No motion gave away whether he was breathing or not but Loki could sense the tiny spark of life left within Thor. But he had to hurry, the summoning had taken too much time. Again he let the green mist drop from his left hand onto Thor's throat, praying it would be strong enough to mend the cut. Drop by drop it did grow back together. By now it should have retrieved his brother's soul but nothing indicated so.

"Thor... bother. Please, come back to me. You can't leave me like this. You can't." Loki felt his trembling. Why did it not help? His healing power was weak because he had never used it but he had done what he could do. Why then did Thor refuse to come back to him?

"Should the great Thor not be able to take this much? So stop hiding and come back." Loki tried to sound challenging but the small sobs between some words gave him away. He needed to calm himself, getting agitated would help neither him nor Thor.

"They would miss you, Thor. If not for me, then at least return for father and mother. Your friends are waiting for you, how dare you die here because of... because of.. me?" How he loathed himself now. He had used Thor's good faith against him without any mercy.

"You don't leave me any choice, do you?" No answer came and he needed none. The last resort meant to completely capitulate.

"I know. So this is it then." He crawled closer until he bent over Thor's chest and lowered his head until his lips were only inches from his brother's.

"I told you to never doubt my love for you. It was I who forgot it. Maybe you find it in yourself to forgive me one day." He laid his lips on Thor's, tasting the sweetness of blood. It took him some time before his breath and Thor's were one. The current between them extracting what little strength he had been left with. Once the current stopped, Loki dropped next to Thor and remained there, lying still, his opened eyes unblinking.

When Thor woke he found himself in the healing rooms of Asgard. His every bone pained him and he was disoriented. The last thing he remembered Loki ready to strike in order to kill. But he lived, somehow. Barely, this h felt but alive he was. When one of the healers came to check on him, he asked him with the little voice he was left with.

"Loki...?" He had wanted to ask so much but without thinking his first question was about his brother. What had he done to him? Where was he and why had Thor been brought to Asgard? Why was he still alive? The healer did not answer but he seemed to be uneasy because of this simple question. He tried to rise up but was forced back by the smaller but unbelievingly strong man. But maybe he was only too weakened to do anything about being pushed back like this.

"Your brother is here as well. Resting." It was enough for Thor to know. At least for now.

They met again several days later, the strong healing magic they had been treated with having restored them both. Some scars were left and would inevitably remind Thor of this time when his little brother had almost succeeded. But it was not Loki's usual self he faced in the outer court that morning. Instead of one of his spiteful remarks he remained silent until Thor sat down next to him.

"I knew you would never do this to me, brother." Thor said with an unusual calmness in his voice. He was so tired of their fights.

"I will never fight you again." Thor looked up. Despite this being a good message the tone of Loki's voice did not fit at all.

"Why is that?" Loki hesitated, his gaze wandering to some point far away. He obviously avoided to look at Thor.

"There is no other way, I fear."

"...what do you mean?"

"Do you not notice it? We are... connected to each other now."

"We were always connected, brother. That never hindered you."

"It's different now, Thor. Do you not feel it?" And Thor realized what Loki meant. There was this strange feeling in his chest but it was not unpleasant.

"What does it mean?"

"It means we are... brothers now. More than that, actually. I've interwoven our lifelines." Thor was puzzled, but thankful when Loki continued.

"I never meant to hurt you, Thor. Not like this. In the end it was I whom I wanted to be in pain, somehow. Do you still not understand? When you were lying there and I could do nothing to save you... I was scared. My magic was too weak to heal you and I felt the spark inside of you vanishing so I... I took a part of you and replaced it with a part of myself."

"So... we are one now?"

"Basically we are one, yes. Every wound you receive, I shall receive as well and every wound I receive, you shall receive as well."

"So this is the reason you will no longer fight me?" Thor sounded sad, Loki noticed and he shook his head.

"Amongst others, but it's one of the least ones. I came to an understanding."

"Understanding?"

"I understood my lies are lies. But there is one truth even my lies could not tarnish."

"Which one would this be?" Thor wondered.

"I will show you." Once more Loki covered Thor's mouth with his own. So many sensations were overwhelming Thor when he felt their softness. He felt his heart beat... no, both their hearts he felt. And something else he had never felt before. The sensation of a true, undeniable connection. He and Loki, they were one. Always had been.


End file.
